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Crystal ball reveals all for Tasmania in 2016

MARTIN STEVENSON says: IT SEEMS like only yesterday, rather than a year ago, that we tuned in the pedal-powered crystal ball and boldly predicted a Tasmanian annum ahead of “moderate expectations and average temperatures”.IT SEEMS like only yesterday, rather than a year ago, that we tuned in the pedal-powered crystal ball and boldly predicted a Tasmanian annum ahead of “moderate expectations and average temperatures”.
Nanjing Night Net

Mind you, we also forecast that “money bags” Clive Palmer would put his shipping where his mouth was and launch his mooted Titanic II project as a Bass Strait ferry.

As predictions go, Mr Palmer’s nautical ambitions, as with much of his fortune, appear to have gone belly up.

On a more worrying note during 2015, Tassie’s ideology-raddled sun worshippers continued to ride the squeaky-wheeled tumbrel of climate change as they proclaimed a predicted 1.5C degree rise in temperature would send the planet into a flaming spin.

Local weather worry warts flattered us with claims that, despite our mere half-million population and conspicuous shortage of smoke-stack industry, the entire Earth was doomed because of Taswegians’ thoughtlessness. Let’s not annoy the Chinese then as they open an average three new coal mines a week.

And despite your correspondent predicting a new Ice Age, 40,000 warmists flew to a Paris climate gabfest to confirm that, if everyone ceaselessly jetted around the world the way they did, we would be in serious trouble.

Attendees included Paris-bound Australian Conservation Foundation chief executive Kelly O’Shannassy forced to “sip Moet” in a Dubai business class lounge en route after she missed a connecting flight.

The Bolivian delegation took a more robust attitude claiming the talks were an appropriate moment to begin “smashing capitalism”.

Thank heavens, meanwhile, for those giant windmills constructed on hilltops around the world during 2015.

Even if a correspondent confided that the windmills were part of a secret government plot to cool the planet. “They’re really giant fans” our man claimed.

Another pundit said desalination plants were built “to suck up sea water and prevent the threatened 6cm per decade rise in sea levels.”

Which brings us to 2016 predictions —

WITH 97 per cent of scientists having decided the climate change debate is “settled”, boffins will retire satisfied knowing their work is done.

AS same-sex marriage is approved by the feds, other urgers and chancers will see this as their chance to promote multi-person marriage and nuptials involving animal companions.

LAUNCESTON CBD’s mooted return to two-way streets will be realised as part of a cunning “back to the future” scenario with trams again rattling around, policemen controlling traffic at street intersections (rather than those new-fangled traffic lights) and parking meters thrown into the rubbish bin of history and replaced by uniformed chaps marking tyres with chalk.

PM Malcolm Turnbull will discover that being all things to all persons is an impossible political gig to sustain as trendy, latte-sipping inner-city trendies flock to new Opposition leader Tanya Plibersek.

WILL Hodgman’s minders will ensure the Premier continues media appearances smiling shyly at country fairs and brewery openings yet wisely saying nothing of any importance, despite electricity shortages and/or industry closures.

TOURIST numbers will peak in 2016 encouraged by a website exhorting everyone to visit Tassie before the trees are all chopped down and even though the site has been pulled following the discovery that a clear-felling picture was of South African derivation.

EMBOLDENED by Ray Martin’s predictable ABC-TV review finding that the national broadcaster was not presenting enough leftist propaganda, the ABC will host a two-week long North Korean film festival that no one will watch.

NO member of the British or Danish royal families will visit the state in 2016.

EASTER eggs will go on sale from tomorrow.

So, happy 2016 and make the most of it.

This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.

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